Brand New and How The Sausage is Made

A very dear friend of mine is an actress. Don’t be weird—this is a thing that happens once you live in New York or LA long enough, promise. Once, in a moment of vulnerability, she told me about all the roles that she did not land in her career. You can keep your Eric Stoltz Back to the Future trivia—this was super secret information that I was going to keep close to my vest forever—except for this one thing.

She told me, at the peak of its popularity, that she almost landed a role on Mad Men. Mad Men is one of my all-time favorite shows. It aired while I worked in the advertising industry, so the parallels were very valuable and very relatable for me. Now, despite mourning the lost opportunity, she said she was actually relieved that she didn’t get the part. Unbeknownst to me, it was her favorite show at the time as well, and maybe it was silver-lining thinking, but she said once she got over the rejection, she decided it was for the best because it would be better to never know how the sausage was made.

I have thought about this for years.

Recently, after the LA fires, a video of Jesse Lacey from Brand New appeared on social media. The frontman played solo at Luke Wood’s house. If you don’t know who Luke Wood is, he’s the guy who signed Jimmy Eat World (and several others) to Dreamworks, and now he’s a bigwig at Apple Music. Fun fact: he also tried to sign Recover and buy my record label—obviously, those things didn’t happen. Anyway, these days, when anything (literally ANYTHING) remotely emo happens in the world (the Super Bowl halftime jeans) or the weird Family Guy thing, everyone I know (and do not know) sends it to me. This is cool; I love it (please keep doing it). But being barraged with Jesse Lacey's videos—was… nauseating. I was not prepared for the resurgence even though I’ve been hearing rumblings about private shows for the past few months—but seeing him perform—I just needed a minute. And now solo shows are being announced, and I just can’t sit here and not say anything.

If you’re not new around here, you probably (MAYBE) have my book, Negatives. Negatives is a photographic archive of emo. It is not an encyclopedia. It is not a clinical role call—it’s a love letter, a celebration, a positive place to remember things… Now, with that said, the only criticism I have received is from folks who have purchased the book on Amazon, and their singular gripe is that I omitted the band Brand New.

Take a deep breath because I’ve never spoken about this publicly.

Here are some facts:

Brand New was one of my favorite bands. Deja Entendu and The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me were two of my most listened-to albums from the era. While never close with the band, several people that I consider my best friends were very close with this band. I had demos. I knew about secret shows. I was privy to so many behind-the-scenes plans. And there’s a code that comes with this knowledge, by the way—you never share the demos that were so graciously given to you, or talk about future plans publicly—etc. It’s like locker room talk, which is a lazy metaphor for this instance, but let’s just say you don’t talk about what you see and hear within the realm of BAND inner workings. Here’s where it gets difficult.

Long before the #metoo movement, I saw a whole lot, and I heard a whole lot more, and not just with Brand New. For the record—if I ever saw someone in danger, I intervened. Yes, the culture was much different back then, and YES, we all could have done so much better. Please know this, though—If I saw a person dangerously intoxicated, I intervened. Cabs were called. Friends were brought in to help. I did what I could. But that’s all I knew to be cautious of back then: things I could see, things to physically look out for backstage—I never would have suspected predatory behavior online, amongst other things.

Long before the allegations against Jesse Lacey were made public, there were a lot of rumors. Quiet comments, quick side eyes—but I never knew the facts. I never knew the people it was happening to. I wasn’t there. Does that make it ok? NO. Do I wish I could go back and change things? Hell yes. So here’s the hill that I will die on, and I’m happy to never speak about this again if possible.

I would rather believe a handful of women I don’t know, women who put their integrity and privacy on the line than celebrate a band fronted by Jesse Lacey. That’s it. It’s that simple. In a scene that has completely marginalized women and minorities since day one, I have decided to be on their side of this moment of history, and further, I support the victims who have not come out because I know there are more of them who are not comfortable sharing their experiences. In a nutshell, if I can try to make emo a more inclusive space by respecting and believing these people instead of celebrating a band that I used to hold dear—then that’s what I am going to do.

Also, to further my transparency, I feel compelled to divulge that when compiling images for Negatives, I did source images of Brand New. I tried to make it work. I tried to find something like a sports-related asterisk to note to the reader what had come to light in the last ten years—I tried to separate the art from the artist. But I found that I could not walk that line.

I had an English teacher tell me once, “Prepositions are everywhere you can be in relation to a cloud…” Above the cloud, under the cloud, behind the cloud—Brand New was this cloud, and I tried every which way to position myself adjacent to them before I finally realized I could not be anywhere near this godforsaken cloud. Also, Brand New was not the only band that I had to experience this could-like-metaphor with; I went through it with several others, and I went through it with bands that you’ll never know about—because it’s not my place to tell you how the sausage is made. And while I am deeply regretting using this metaphor, I am here to tell you that sausage is indeed disgusting, and you do not want to know how it is made.

So, for the record, I have no regrets about not including Brand New in my book. And no, I will not be celebrating the return of Jesse Lacey and, eventually, Brand New. And if my choices offend you, then so be it because, after all, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.